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心理描写看它:南通一模续写 归还手机

续写题很好,容易让学生看懂情节,且两个提示句能起到推动情节的作用,最重要的是学生看到提示句不会有五花八门的情节走向,基本都是一个方向。

续写范文更值得我们去推敲,因为本续写需要很多笔墨在心理活动上。如何表达心里活动才能起到共鸣?我看了范文后,感觉和我前面贴出的汉语写作技巧非常贴近。本篇范文可以作为标准的心理活动描写的范本。

然后,我也写了一篇下水文,基本上也是落实了前面汉语文章的技能。

题目:

阅读下面材料,根据其内容和所给段落开头语续写两段,使之构成一篇完整的短文。

One afternoon after school, Mary and her brother, Keith, were eating at a cafe near their home. That afternoon, they had to share their table with another person. That person was a young lady in her twenties. After eating, she went to the restroom. Without realizing, she had left her handphone on the table. Five minutes later, she came out and walked out of the cafe without looking back.

Mary saw the handphone on the table. She quickly told Keith, “Keith, the girl left behind her handphone.”

Keith looked at the handphone. It took his breath away. It was one of the latest models on the market. Keith had always wanted a handphone. But his parents had told him, “You don’t need one. You can always use the house phone.”

He stared at it for some minutes. Then he said slowly, pausing on every word, “I want to take the handphone.”

Mary could not believe her ears. She merely stared at her brother. “You can’t! What if the owner comes to look for it?”

Having made the decision, Keith quickly grabbed the handphone and put it in his schoolbag. Then, he took Mary’s hand and led her out of the cafe quickly.

Once back home, Keith locked his house door with trembling hands. Inside his room, he took out the piece of beauty. Oh, he liked it so much. Now he had his own handphone. Soon, he was polishing it happily.

But Mary told him, “Keith, you cannot keep the handphone. What will you tell Father about this? He will ask you how you got the handphone.”

Keith said quickly, “I will say a friend lent it to me.”

Mary said, “Now you are lying too.” Oh dear! When had Keith turned so dishonest?

Then Mary saw a house phone number on the plastic cover of the handphone. “This is the girl’s phone number. Why don’t we just call this number? We will talk to her and ask her to come and take back her handphone.” She was trying to talk some sense into him.

注意:

1. 续写词数应为150左右;

2. 请按如下格式在答题卡的相应位置作答。

That night, Keith turned over in bed from time to time.

Mary was very happy to hear that.

指导:

1.文章的主题

本文的主题是比较容易开出来的,即:诚实。剩下就是如何去体现主题。

体现主题的句子:

But Mary told him, “Keith, you cannot keep the handphone. What will you tell Father about this? He will ask you how you got the handphone.”

Mary said, “Now you are lying too.” Oh dear! When had Keith turned so dishonest?

2.文章的语言

本文的语言是很生动的,通过动作描写和心里描写展现了人物的特点,下面看

神态描写+语言描写:

He stared at it for some minutes. Then he said slowly, pausing on every word, “I want to take the handphone.”

Mary could not believe her ears. She merely stared at her brother. “You can’t! What if the owner comes to look for it?”

动作描写:

Once back home, Keith locked his house door with trembling hands. Inside his room, he took out the piece of beauty. Oh, he liked it so much. Now he had his own handphone. Soon, he was polishing it happily.

心里活动:

Oh dear! When had Keith turned so dishonest?

3.物体线索

Then Mary saw a house phone number on the plastic cover of the handphone.

从以上我们可以得出:

1.心理描写要通过自问或反问:Oh dear! When had Keith turned so dishonest?

2.内心的表达更多要通过动作:Keith locked his house door with trembling hands. Inside his room, he took out the piece of beauty.

3.内心的表达还要通过评注话语:Oh, he liked it so much. Oh dear! When had Keith turned so dishonest?

根据极简写作321原则推理情节:

That night, Keith turned over in bed from time to time.

衔接1:Keith的思想斗争

过渡1:相通了。

衔接2:Keith找到Mary并告诉他的决定。

Mary was very happy to hear that.

衔接3:两人一起打电话给女主,说明情况。

过渡2:归还

主题:感悟诚实的重要性。

基于此,我的下水文如下:

That night, Keith turned over in bed from time to time.


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